koon woon

Walking randomly in the snow in search of memories There have only been a few serious snows in my life. I left home during the first heavy snow. Things were becoming unbearable. The rebellion was internalized. I had no friends to share inner pains. I would drive from Aberdeen to Ocean Shores and back; or; sixty miles for no reason and to nowhere. The car was a symbol of freedom, but it was unearned freedom. I loaded some blankets in my car and drove off to Seattle. I was looking for love, the kind I did not find until my present snow, the one I was walking in today. It spans an interval of fifty years. What I watched: Dr. Zhivago, where human legs protrude from the snow. What I heard was a calm silence. I first stayed with PaTrick and William E in Wallingford. Someone else was paying for the rent of the house. I believe it was John who worked for Boeing. There was a lot of dope, including laughing gas. But Hayceed beat his woman who was always topless. He said he was a poet and read his poems at the Last Exit coffeehouse on Wednesday nights. I was frightened, more or less, and so I moved out to Freemont when I got an apartment above a tavern. That year, Aurora Avenue was impassable. Buses even stop serving, I was stuck in the snow and I walked across Aurora to buy cooking utensils and groceries. I got no mail for several weeks. I was isolated and lonesome beyond belief. (Snows): Freemont 1969 LLL 1980 Mrs. Wong’s rooming house 1985 West Seattle Alaska House Apts. 2021. I was looking for love and I did not find it for fifty years. It was not romantic love. It was more like The Woman of the Dunes. Now I realize that love is antientropic but it runs downhill with the ease of gravity.